Wasting my Childbearing Years playing WOW


Without going all Bridget Jonesy

This post has been sitting in my drafts for  a while.  Might even be considered  a TMI post, and possibly some of you who read me might read too much into this. But Meh.  I wanted a Humdinger for my 500th, and this well – this I thought was appropriate.

I turn 30 this year, and a thought has been propping up every now and then has been ‘Am I wasting my Childbearing years playing wow?”

The most important question is do I want kids? – I have  no idea if I want kids or if I want kids because people expect me to want kids. Then I have to find someone who wants to have kids – and wants to have kids with me – and then what happens if they or me are not able to have kids.

I think I shall leave that up to  RNG.

But I also don’t want to wake up in 5 years time  doing a /played on my toon and wondering where the months  of life have gone in that play time, and If I missed out on opportunities or life  because of it.

Maybe that is a slightly Bridjet jonesy

I guess if you have to ask do you play too much  – then the answer is probably yes.   I multitask a fair bit though when I am online.  Still see real people – Read books – listen to music – even write stuff non wow related on occasion. So  my @home time, If I wasn’t playing Wow – I would still be watching a Dvd – on msn – on the phone instead of a vent ect.

 I’ve been responsible – I work – have a mortgage – I function socially  – but I don’t think I have ever really grown up.  I’m not talking about getting all excited in playland kinda not  growing up, just more clinging to this peter pan ideal . Gaming, or more pointedly Wow has probably reinforced this Peter Pan mindset over the last few years for me.

I’ve tried to cling to my ‘freedom’  and thats often shown in the type of relationships I choose.  Or choose to stay in.   This freedom lets me game.  Lets me do my own thing without real commitments to a partner – a family. 

Yes there is a Wow / Life balance that can be achieved –  people do it all the time.  I would be interested in Stats though – in how many dedicated gamers and are in long term relationships? – how many have children,  how many are Women,  how many are Women with children.  Some people go through phases of availability and dedication as priorities crop up – but what if you never have – and never get new priorities?

When I was raiding  I wasn’t meeting many new non-internet based people.  I worry that going back to raiding,  even as casual as I am currently will mean that I will slip into the same habit.

I also think I am a big enough procrastinator to admit that Wow isn’t what is stopping me from doing what I really want.  More that to achieve what I want  – I need to risk a lot more than I am currently, and sacrifice more – turn off the pc,  develop better writing habits.

I also think my  desire to not grow up and settle down is tied up into not being satisfied with other areas of my life  –  I want to be self-supporting / responsible / independent  – yet my creative urges and needs don’t get satisfied – because it was drummed into my head so often that ” you will never make money from that”   and always there is this doubt  that I am not “good enough to make money from that”  I play  to escape  perhaps from a path I kept walking down – not denying that. Until I reconcile with doing something that makes me happy – I won’t need something to escape.

I have the Adult career. It pays the bills,  it provides challenges,  I work for good people.  But I have a fear of being trapped in a Picket fenced nightmare of drudgery. Where this is it….

We know the average  gamer is an adult, and I wonder if that is a good thing?  As adults society tells us that we need to have more responsibilities,  and maybe gaming  is just a way of extending our childhoods where we will skip – or waste the prime years of our adulthood.

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44 Responses to “Wasting my Childbearing Years playing WOW”


  1. 1 Klepsacovic March 9, 2010 at 2:20 am

    I see no good coming from people having children who do not yet want children.

    You can always quit a boring job. Are you better off ‘independent’ with random unsecure jobs, or ‘stuck’ in a single job?

    Speaking of raiding, I wish we weren’t raiding tonight. I want to play SAN.

    • 2 Pugnacious Priest March 9, 2010 at 11:23 pm

      I may have just always thought it would one day happen – but now that my life choices are not leaning towards it not, thus being put in a place where I need to at least be aware of what I want – and stop something that could be standing in the way. If idependant made me happier then, I want to be independant, being stuck in anything isnt going to be healthy at all in the long run

  2. 3 Saresa March 9, 2010 at 2:43 am

    You have articulated something that has been bothering me for a very long time. I often wonder if the amount of time I spend gaming and doing gaming related activities is really just an excuse to avoid doing all the other stuff someone my age ‘should’ be doing. At the end of the day, it IS preventing me from getting into a meaningful relationship, by stopping me from meeting people.

    Now, I am not saying that this is the game’s fault… clearly it is something about myself that I allow the game to do that. Your post made me sit down and have a really good think about that, and for that I am grateful. Thanks!

  3. 4 teac77 March 9, 2010 at 4:19 am

    When I read what you wrote:
    “I want to be self-supporting / responsible / independent”

    I was reminded of this other article I’ve read, written by Leo Babauta.

    http://zenhabits.net/2009/08/the-get-started-now-guide-to-becoming-self-employed/

    It might be helpful to you.

  4. 7 Lath March 9, 2010 at 7:01 am

    I’m hitting 30 in 3 weeks and like you have a mortgage, full time career etc etc. I originally enjoyed playing wow to escape from pressures at work. Now I play it because in the scheme of things its actually a relatively cheap hobby and I enjoy the friendships I’ve made with a lot of people ingame that have even in some cases moved to people I catch up in RL.

    Would I have done other things and made more of my life if I never picked up WoW? Maybe, but I doubt it. I’ve always been a homy person and going out to clubs/restuarants/events every other night would never have been my thing anyway.

    Unlike you though, I desperately want to have kids and my partner and I started trying this year. I pretty much know that this current ICC patch and the Wrath Expansion will most likely be my last hurrah in raiding as juggling a baby and a raiding schedule is never going to work! While this makes me sad I’m so ready for the next chapter in my life it’s really a non issue when I weigh the 2 next to each other.

    I think if your still questioning it yourself, then perhaps it isn’t really something that you want to explore – it’s just something you feel you should consider because of societies expectations.

    With respects to finding a partner – don’t discount WoW as a place to meet likeminded people. I know 3 couples who met while raiding in guilds I’ve been a part of, and its really sweet seeing the relationships blossom. I’m not saying its going to be for everyone but there are heaps of guys out there if your willing to be open to possibilities!

    /end wall of text (sorry!)

    Thank you for a though provoking post!

    Lath

    • 8 Pugnacious Priest March 9, 2010 at 10:56 pm

      Am trying to reduce my wowing not use it as a dating pool :) I’m going to leave children/longterm partner thing up to RNG – need to stay away from dead end relationships for now as a start, but if its meant to happen it’s meant to happen, but I think I want it – the right way. Good luck with your plans :) Hope it happens for you soon

  5. 9 gevlon March 9, 2010 at 7:15 am

    You are NOT a child-producing machine. You can live your life the way you want unless you do illegal things. Having no children or playing WoW is not illegal.

    • 10 Pugnacious Priest March 9, 2010 at 10:40 pm

      I know – but thats what social pressure is there for – to put us in an order of exceptable social behaviour. I’m bucking it. Never been conventional – maybe just looking for the strength to keep bucking it.

  6. 11 kaozz March 9, 2010 at 7:57 am

    Often enough gamers are made to feel bad for their hobby. You’re a gamer you’re irresponsible! It could be said of any hobby honestly, there is no shame in doing something you enjoy such as playing a game. What else would you (or I) be doing? Saving the world or watching T.V.?

    As a parent, let me give you some advice- Don’t have children until you are ready!

    • 12 Pugnacious Priest March 9, 2010 at 10:50 pm

      Would much rather be gaming then watching reality tv…. don’t have the skills for saving the world – but If I do have kids I want to do it right – not necessary the kit home and picketfence – but within a stable relationship and so on. So not planning on doing something silly if Im not ready :P

  7. 13 TyphoonAndrew March 9, 2010 at 8:31 am

    “As adults society tells us that we need to have more responsibilities..” as an adult I like to think that I have the freedom to choose my path, what I ensure is done, where I spend my time, and who with.

    This is the nature of being an adult – you must face the choices you make and accept the consequences. That is adult. I do feel your pain though, I’m approaching 40, a gamer, no kids, and about to get married. My partner and I are facing a similar set of choices, and it is daunting.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    • 14 Pugnacious Priest March 9, 2010 at 11:15 pm

      and then spend as much time justifying the choices I made on my path – but the only person I should need to justify it is to me. I want to make the choice while I still can.

  8. 15 Larisa March 9, 2010 at 8:36 am

    Being an adult isn’t a black and white thing. It isn’t as if one day you’re a child and the next day you decide to grow up and then you do that and never look back.
    I had my children when I was fairly young – 25. Now they’re spending more and more time on their own and one day, sooner than I like, they’ll leave home. And I’m 40 + and I’ve had a career and a family and I’m still playing wow.
    So if you decide to have a family, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your possibility to ever again bring out the childish side of yourself, for instance playing wow.

    I hate to say this, but I’m sometimes a little worried when I see 30-year-something women saying that they want to have children at some point, just not now. And then the years pass and when they’re approaching 40 they start trying, to find that it’s too late or that they at least will have to struggle to get the child they dream of.
    I don’t mean that you have to rush anything, but look at it with open eyes.

    As other commenters have pointed out, it isn’t necessary one way or the other. Chances are that you might meet someone to build a family with through wow. Stranger things have happened.

    • 16 Pugnacious Priest March 9, 2010 at 11:12 pm

      I put a reaslistic expiry date on my bio clock of a bout 6 years – I know people still have kids much older, but yeah that’s why I am mussing about it now. It was always something that was an option – but nearing 30 – i can hear that tick of the clock – and I don’t want to regret at least having seriously entertained what I want

  9. 17 Adam March 9, 2010 at 8:45 am

    Some of the most interesting people I know, who range in age from 35-65, still don’t know what to do with their lives. I saw photo’s from our recent 21st year high school reunion, (a bit hard for me to get back to Perth from Italy for that). Most of my former school mates look old. I spoke to a good friend who was there. He told me that it was like they had all decided to be adult and grown up, which meant not having fun anymore and being serious. Needless to say the reunion apparently wasn’t a blast.

    Have you seen photo’s of people in old age who look amazing? they are people who did not get weighed down by responsibilities in their life. In a way, being serious and living your life like this is easier – almost everyone else does it so you have a path to follow, people to copy, and people to complain with. Striking out on your own and being different is much harder. Not only is the path not clear, the rest of society who didn’t have the courage to do that will try and bring you down at every opportunity.

    • 18 Pugnacious Priest March 9, 2010 at 11:09 pm

      Lol yes – even when they are moaning about the cost of their divorce/breakup the next breath is still “so when are you getting hitched…” It’s not so much not knowing what to do – but more don’t want to get stuck doing something and then it all be over, and bitter & old twisted maid – see I guess I am still procrastinating.

  10. 19 Solidstate March 9, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    > I wanted a Humdinger for my 500th, and this well – this I thought was appropriate.

    It’s certainly not run-of-the-mill. Gz on your 500th post :)

    > Am I wasting my Childbearing years playing wow?

    The simple answer, yes. I don’t personally believe having a new baby when you are 45+ years old is very healthy. 20-40 are IMHO the prime child-bearing years. So if you want to have children and at your age have not started to settle down, then yes, you are wasting precious time.
    The complex answer is of course not a simple yes/no and is too long for a comment blog :)

    > I have no idea if I want kids

    Take your time, thing about it. Look around. Read. Heck, talk to your parents. But don’t put it off till later, since as I said if you end up deciding you do want kids, now’s the time. Or as Larisa wrote, “I don’t mean that you have to rush anything, but look at it with open eyes.”

    > but I don’t think I have ever really grown up

    I’m not sure that’s a bad thing. within reason.

    > I’ve tried to cling to my freedom

    You give up some of that when you have a family. Sometimes a lot. But you also get other things. Compare e.g. to a job, you give up the freedom to do what you want for 9 hours each day, but you earn money. Only with a family, you get something else, not money :)

    > I would be interested in Stats though – in how many dedicated gamers and are in long term relationships?

    I don’t know if there is any such current research. The only WoW player demographic research I could find was from 2005 and doesn’t look at relationships:

    http://www.nickyee.com/daedalus/archives/001365.php

    Certainly from personal anecdotal evidence I can say a high percentage (40% maybe) of WoW players I have known well enough to talk about such subjects have a long term relationship and/or a family. But that proves nothing :)

    > I worry that going back to raiding… I will slip into the same habit.

    Hardcore raiding requires a huge time commitment, depending on how seriously the guild is. You need to take that into account when making life plans. For example I’m currently not involved in physical fitness (running which I once liked to do for example) due to being a hardcore raider. Well being a raider isn’t the only reason, but it is a major one.

    > But I have a fear of being trapped in a Picket fenced nightmare of drudgery

    Playing WoW won’t break you out of any fences. It will just make your daily existence a little more fun.
    Part of being an adult is doing things that are not fun because they have to be done. That doesn’t mean giving up your dreams, but you do have to learn to prioritize. I would think it the hight of folly to prioritize playing WoW and say, learning to paint (since you love painting) over a good paying job. Prioritizing painting classes over WoW, now that’s a different story.

    > As adults society tells us that we need to have more responsibilities, and maybe gaming is just a way of extending our childhoods where we will skip – or waste the prime years of our adulthood.

    The answer to this is surprisingly simple. If you feel playing WoW is wasting your time, it probably is and you need to stop. But it is an individual thing, you cannot say gaming in general for all people or even most is “a waste”. Just as a simple example, if gaming makes us happy and more balanced individuals isn’t that a good thing? How can it be a waste? The only time it is bad for sure is if taken to extreme where “extreme” is the individual part (for one person even 1 hour per day is too much, for another 4 per day is just right).

    Best of luck, where ever you go.

  11. 20 Nymesis March 9, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Take it from me, I have 2 wonderful boys, a loving (yet not very understanding) wife, dog and a morgage. I work in Law Enforcement and WoW is my way of breaking free of the mundane, everyday life. This is where I excape from the task list (that never seems to go down, no matter how much I try!). I am only allowed to play after the wife, kids and dog go to sleep on weekends and I love my time. I wouldn’t trade any part of my life for anything.

  12. 21 Okrane S. March 9, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    If you are wondering about playing wow is wasting your time, it surely is.

    If you are wondering about wanting to have children, you surely do.

    If you are wondering about wasting your youth on the wrong activity, you surely are.

    If you are wondering that its maybe time to grow up, it surely is…

    Just fuck this stupid game and move on already!

    • 22 doofman March 9, 2010 at 6:20 pm

      Wow, what a simplistic way to make tough choices seem simple by just assuming the default social norms. I could just as easily say:

      If you’re wondering about wanting to have children, you surely don’t…if you did, you wouldn’t be wondering, you would be certain)

      If you’re wondering that it’s maybe time to grow up, then it surely isn’t…if it was time, you wouldn’t be wondering…

      You get the picture….try coming up with actual arguments next time instead of platitudes.

      • 23 Okrane S. March 9, 2010 at 7:20 pm

        Troll more will ya…

        Its simple. The fact that she is wondering about wasting time is clearly realizing it but being torn about liking the game so much.

        The fact that she is wondering about having kids is simply the fact that she does want them, but such big leaps in one’s life are always filled with doubt. It’s normal. It’s human to doubt.

        • 24 doofman March 9, 2010 at 9:05 pm

          Of course it’s human to doubt, I was clearly (and almost explicitly) using the counter-argument to show why either extreme is silly. My point was that based on your criteria, whenever in doubt, one should always go with the “social norm” rather than, you know, actually trying to work it through and come up with a (possibly complex) answer. Playing WoW isn’t “wasting time” any more than any other leisure activity.

    • 25 Pugnacious Priest March 9, 2010 at 11:28 pm

      It would be worse if I wasn’t wondering! – At least its showing I am thinking about it and not cocooned in a protective virtual bubble

  13. 26 krizzlybear March 9, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    Simple-yet-not-so-simple solution. Find a guy who understands what it means to play World of Warcraft. I don’t think relationships can work if the significant other who does not play WoW is completely close-minded about the WoW-player’s habits. As you said, it’s a lifestyle that’s no different from sitting in the couch watching 24 and CSI all night when they come home from work.

    It all comes down to whether or not you run into someone who’s open-minded, and whether or not you want kids. I already know that I want kids one day, but at the same time, I want to play WoW as well, so I figure I’ll just narrow my search for a special someone who is indeed special. It’s hard, but not impossible; I know first-hand.

  14. 27 Actorious March 9, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    I’m 28, a gamer, married to a gamer, we’ve been together for more than 7 years, and have engaged in MMO-gaming for almost the same amount of time. We have a son who we love very much.

    I’m nothing special or unique. I don’t validate my life by my wife or child, or by my job (well maybe my job, but I have a kickass job).

    At the same time, I don’t -invalidate- my life by my gaming. It’s a hobby, a social activity, a way to keep in touch with RL and virtual friends whom I’ve known for several years now. I am able to balance it with work, poker nights, trips to Disney World, and vegging out on the couch watching TV.

    Life is about understanding opportunity costs. Adulthood is about coping with the thought of missed opportunities. Self-doubt will always be there, and regardless of which path you take, there are always a myriad of paths you did not take.

    Ultimately, if you are happy with who you are today, counting every wart with every trophy, then you’ve done a good job to this point. I would caution you against worrying about things in the future because we can only act on what we are presented with, and it’s much more important (in my obviously not-humble opinion) to be confident that in 5 years, you will accept who you are then, instead of worrying here and now about who you -might- become.

    I’m glad to have read this post. I think it’s perfectly normal, sane, and I can most certainly sympathize with your thought process. I find myself wondering in my own way, “what if?” It’s always my job to then question my own happiness in spite of the “what if”. As long as I’m still happy, then the “what if” doesn’t matter. It’s not always an easy fight with myself, but I think it’s gotten easier as I’ve become more comfortable with who I am.

    Best of luck on the introspection, thanks for letting me lurk.

    ~Act

  15. 28 Asot March 9, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    Wow, you hit the nail on the head with this post. Good job at writing down all the things that are going through your head.

    And as you can tell, you are definitely not alone. I struggle with the exact same issue(s). Even from a male perspective, it’s damn near dead on.

    Thanks for the post.

  16. 29 crankyhealer March 9, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    I can tell you for sure: yes you can. YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL.

    You can find a man and still be a gamer, as long as gaming isn’t taking the place of other “social” activities. If you were going to be reading a book anyway, what is the difference?

    I actually met my hubby when we were both playing SWG. I moved across country to be with him, after we met in person (we were not attracted to each other online, but when we met in person at a social event, we suddenly thought of each other “in that way”). We were married a year and a half after we met in person. I’m not saying to troll for a man in WoW, but these things do happen.

    As for kids, well I have one. It’s a little more challenging being the mommy than the daddy. I totally admit that. Most of the guys in my guild are married with kids, but their wives don’t play, so they play while their wives are dealing with the kids.

    However… husband and I both play and we make it work. It means we can’t play during the weekend days (except a quick heroic during nap time). It means that sometimes we have to take turns raiding when the twig is being particularly difficult (tonight he is going to raid and I’m on Twig patrol.) But it’s doable. Totally doable.

    And in fact, it’s a GREAT way to spend time when the kid is in bed and you’re essentially trapped in the house. What the hell else are you going to be doing during that time that is social? Your friends are also trapped in their respective houses, hostage to a snoring kid. That’s how you get your social fix, in-game.

    When you’re a teen, people scare the crap out of you with how easy it is to get pregnant. Then when you approach 30, people are scaring you with how *hard* it is to get pregnant. Well, it varies. I’m not gonna lie – after 35, it does get a little bit squiggy. But that’s 5 years away. And to give you perspective, all my friends who have gotten married in their early 30’s had a fast-fast courtship (like less than a year) and were pregnant within a year after that. So things do move faster at this age because you don’t have the twentysomething dude with commitment issues taking 5 years to propose.

    So don’t freak out, and in a few years you’ll be asking me for tips on how to breastfeed while raiding (yes, you can!).

  17. 30 What's my main Again? March 9, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    My parents often wonder why I still play video games as an adult. They see it as an additcion and to a point they are probably right. But I see my mom get wrapped up in her work like its an addiction… and I’ve seen my father sit and watch tv for hours just flipping through channels or watching whatever sport happens to be on at the time.

    Ultimately people all have a weakness. We all have our vices. I’m a gamer and that is my vice. If I wasn’t a gamer there would be something else to fill in that time and I doubt I would be any more productive then I am now.

    just my .02$

  18. 31 Len March 9, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    I, like you, worry sometimes that my social life is dwindling away while I spend hours a week in front of WoW. Then I take a step back and realise that it’s the days when I come back from work, don’t have the energy/money/time/interest to do anything particular and have a choice between TV, WoW or reading. I see good friends and family plenty. I have a career that takes up part of my ‘home’ time as well as the Monday-Friday usual.

    The only thing missing for me is that ‘insignificant other’ as I saw it put so nicely recently ;) Damn my social circles for being full of women! I’m pretty sure I don’t want kids (or at least, no maternal ‘OMG BABIES’ feelings have raised themselves thus far) but of course, I’d love a relationship. My last one was with a fellow gamer and I find it hard to imagine being with someone that I *couldn’t* share WoW with… hmm. Anyway, thought provoking post, not sure if I should be thanking you or cursing you :)

  19. 32 Ophelie March 9, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    You know, for the longest time, I actually thought I was the only single woman who played WoW. Every other female I met in game was in a committed relationship of some sort (or at very least, older and divorced which still counts). It actually wasn’t until I wrote a blog post about being a single gamer that I finally met other single woman gamers. So I definitely don’t think gaming and relationships are mutually exclusive.

    I do find society pressure to be annoying. It’s not the early 20th century anymore, we don’t have to get married and have kids at 18 anymore. Heck, I’ll be happy if I’m *out of school* before I’m 30!

    And really, I’d rather take my time, get married and have kids (or more likely, adopt – I’m sooo not a baby/pregnancy person!) when I *want* to than get married and have kids at 21 because society tells me to only to end up divorced and dependent on child support for the rest of my life.

  20. 33 Jasyla March 9, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    Use of the term “childbearing years” makes me gag just a little.

    • 34 Jasyla March 10, 2010 at 1:59 am

      I’m sorry, I just re-read that, and it was a glib response to a very heartfelt post. I think terms like childbearing years are outdated. It implies that once women get to a certain age they should be having children without taking into account what they want.

      As for WoW interfering with building a relationship or a family, it really depends. If you play it constantly and never make time for anything else, then it is detrimental. However, if you can strike that WoW/life balance it’s no more detrimental than any other hobbies you could have. I know many people who play WoW and have families (either with or without children).

      • 35 Pugnacious Priest March 10, 2010 at 3:07 am

        I agree it is an outdated term – but is how Im feeling – struggling with the idea of convention – expectation – Biological clock and even now duty to ones country ( how outdated is that concept.. ) ( Aussie Fertility rate is 1.97 as of 2008 apparently – Women should stop putting off having a family as we are less likely to have more kids later on in life ) I’m maybe even afraid of being labled ‘selfish’ if I don’t want kids – I didn’t want them when I was younger – certainly not enough to get pregnant for all the wrong reasons – now Im afraid to admit that I have been thinking of settling down – stop /cutback on Games – on the lifestyle and work that lets me afford to do what I want. But I still don’t know if its because I want to. Or I feel I ought to. I guess when I work that out – or learn to stand up to people who are pressuring me in that direction – then I shall stay conflicted.

  21. 36 theerivs March 10, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    I keep bottles of frozen sperm for the gamer chicks who want to have babies, and I deliver. LOL!. Just kidding….or am I.

  22. 39 LabRat March 10, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    I would be interested in Stats though – in how many dedicated gamers and are in long term relationships? – how many have children, how many are Women, how many are Women with children.

    To give you an idea, our guild can and regularly does field 10-man raids composed of five couples, most married and some just in long-term relationships, and three of the usual five have young children. The plural of “anecdote” isn’t “data”, but guild cultures vary a ton; in ours, the majority of players are very much adults with careers and families, and the college kids with five hours a day to play in are the minority. They’re also substantially less reliable than the parents, probably because the parents put a lot more effort into scheduling out their lives even with the curveballs the kids throw from time to time.

    I got married first, then played WoW with my husband; for us it’s very much something we do together that’s a lot more “together” than just watching TV or reading in the same room is. Before WoW we played a lot of console games and bitched about few of them had a good cooperative play mode. We originally met online, in IRC actually… and are coming up on eleven years together, though we’ve no kids and I doubt I’ll want them.

    The only real comment I have on the meat of your post is that, in my experience, the burden of “if” can weigh just as heavily on your life as as the burden of hastily made choices. If you hold off from committing to anything because it will close off your other choices, you still wind up having made no choice at all and lost much more in terms of opportunity.

    I’m not you and have no window into your life other than this blog, but you’re definitely right to be giving serious thought to this.

  23. 40 Matojo March 11, 2010 at 12:26 am

    I am a 24-year-old single female. I am single by choice, mostly – I decided that I did not want to be a mother and also decided to avoid the issue entirely by just not making myself available. Having been overweight all my life kinda helps with this. :P

    There is pressure to take the traditional route, settle down, have kids, mostly from my parents … but I’m not going to fool anybody, I’m not gonna lie, I ain’t traditional.

    If you want to be a gamer, if you want to have kids or if you don’t want to have kids – hey, it doesn’t matter, it’s all up to you. I hate the term ‘childbearing years’, too.

    And you know what? You can also adopt, eventually, if you choose to have a child. You are a 21st century woman and you have options. You don’t have to do anything except keep yourself happy. That’s what matters.

    *slinks back to her part of cyberspace*

  24. 42 Nikki March 13, 2010 at 1:11 am

    Hey there,

    I felt really compelled to reply to your brilliant post.

    I am in my early 20s and played WOW since the Summer 2006 (Mage) I eventually gave up raiding pretty quickly to play casually as a ‘social member’ on my wonderful ‘medium-core’ guild Mythic on Sunstrider EU. As I went through University this turned into less time spent on WoW and I would come on just for arena as me and my rogue partner were doing well and to speak to my online friends. It was also something me and my boyfriend did together as he got me started on it, and like someone said above it is something more active than watching TV like most couples end up getting into a routine of doing. I have (i think) given up since June 2009, though I still read WoW blogs because I enjoy hearing about the lives of other players, like I do about the lives of non-players!

    Do not feel guilty for playing WoW! As long as people don’t let it take over their lives it is harmless. It is a hobby, an interest and a past time. Some girls are obsessed with shopping as their hobby and get terribly in debt (just an example) which seems far more toxic to me than spending time as a gamer.

    I too question my /played, it was somewhat scary but my mage was my only character (and very loved she was too!). But I got a high 2:1 Biology degree, had a part-time job for some of it, studied hard, met some great people, met my boyfriend and managed to play some WoW. You are not alone in your wonderings! The only reason I quit was because I graduated, moved country and realised I wanted to take up some new hobbies, focus on my relationships more (I spent a lot of Uni studying or recovering from studying the final year was hardcore!) and try and take time to work my life out and figure out what I want to do. It was practically a new start and a new chapter in my life, a bit of out with the old and in with the new.
    World of Warcraft was always such an escape for me, a chance to get away from the world, forget about that exam I just had so I don’t start overanalysing my performance and a way to wind down after a deadline because I was too tired to go out to socialise after long hours concentrating on an essay or project. We all deserve an escape.

    Like you too I am unsure about kids. I always said I never wanted kids. I wanted to,and I know it sounds selfish, be happy in my career (and I don’t mean making bundles of money just a job I’m passionate about and to feel accomplished) and travel the world. I’m always unsure how a child would fit in!
    I remember telling one of my girlfriends I didn’t really want kids once, and it felt like she felt sorry for me!

    There was a lovely girl in my guild who had a family with 2 kids. Many of the guys had long-term relationships or were engaged. It really is possible to achieve a balance.

    But I think if you are worrying about wasting your time then the best thing to do is try and arrange something aside from WoW like an evening class, maybe spread your raid days out so you are only on the game 3 days a week or so. Arrange to meet a friend for dinner on an evening you would normally raid, so you can’t back out of going at the last moment.
    Maybe it will get to the point where you feel able to filter down your game time or you’ll have an epiphany moment, figure things out and drop the game. I know WoW is compelling, that’s why we play/ed it. I feel I’ve had a lot less wasted time since giving up and not worrying if my gear is on par, or where my 2v2 is in the battlegroup, or working out how to counter the combo we have a hard time against, and don’t get me started on grinding honour ^^. Even when I did play because it was mostly casual as I was PvPin I didn’t feel like I had wasted time because I could call it whenever I felt I had played too much (‘one more match and I’m done’), I always found it hard in raids as you were expected to stay for the whole thing if you signed up for it plus you don’t want to let guildies down so I dropped PvE pretty quickly.

    The main thing I wanted to say is don’t feel guilty, you’ll have kids when the time is right if you decide to have them at all (don’t feel guilty about not wanting kids too). Time isn’t wasted if you enjoy yourself but if you are feeling guilty about WoW in relation to its impact on your future then start slowly cutting ties with the game.

    Sorry this was a bit of a long ramble but the post really spoke to me : )

    Nik x


  1. 1 Having it all – being a mom « Cranky Healer Trackback on March 10, 2010 at 6:21 pm
  2. 2 Having it all – being a mom | Murloc Parliament Trackback on May 19, 2010 at 6:33 pm
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