Theres been a few things lately in pugs - in scrub pugs, even in a good guild pugs that have come up – that have made me feel defensive, embarrassed, and trying to control a situation that could get out of hand.
There is no measuring stick to measure the discomfort level – but my indicator is usually the urge to quit group and flee to a pretty garden in Dalaran for some respite.
Language – attitude – insults
I can go bosses without saying anything in vent if I don’t need to and then when I say something like ” Skull – get out of the raid” (I was healing deathwhisper trash)
/raid Who’s the girl?
or a Pst “Are you the girl”
I will not be one of those girls afraid to speak because of the reactions – this whole girls do not play thing is so old – and it’s not even funny anymore. I love to talk yes! but I won’t be too vocal in a bunch of strangers, I am not going to invite you to my facebook, or tell you anything beyond the city I live in . Maybe I have been spoiled by being able to play with people for a long time where this was never an issue
One raid had been going fine, it was getting later – maybe people got more relaxed – I hadn’t been really talkative – but I certainly had spoken – indication was I was the only girl in the 10 man that was mostly from one guild, and then the conversation turned, and I was asked to be someones dishwasher. Trying to keep it light, I said I hope that it wasn’t because I was a female he expected me to wash his dishes – there was some laughter - and further implication that I would come over to his place and wash his dishes, so I said that he was welcome to courier his dishes to me and I would put them in my own dishwasher – because I sure wasn’t handwashing his dirty dishes.
^^ that is me taking the joke – trying not to make a big deal of the blatant sexism. I mean we cop some flack – expect it – don’t bite – blah blah. It was me trying to say – yeah I can take a little bit of a ribbing.
Well it turns out dishwasher was an in guild joke of their’s that did not mean washing dirty dishes. One of them was kind enough to explain the joke.
To which I replied how silly I felt – I then shut up for the rest of the raid,
It was actually embarrassing knowing that they all knew what he was talking about – and here was me talking about washing dirty plates – and it probably one of the few times I had felt like I was being insultingly objectified – probably made more so because it wasn’t a joke I was included on. I mean most of the time the jokes are to just to get a reaction – and they are pretty lame.
Last night in a run I was told what a good sport I was for putting up with their jokes about women. They were telling Women jokes because their Dead baby ones were out of line and I told them to stop those which they listened to. The woman ones were easier to ignore – but I told one guy I hope he was talking loud enough for his sleeping girlfriend to hear – which would ruin any chances he had of getting laid for a month.
I feel like a prude sometimes - the mother hen clucking at the uncivilised. I don’t want to be a feminist ranting about how to treat girls ( and each other) with respect - no delusions about civilising the gaming world. I mean even I tell people they are F’ken fail healers. – but you know when there is a line that is crossed, and I try not to be afraid of saying so. Even a simple. ” Too far” can shut a conversation down.
I feel so much the hypocrite ( fixed) though for staying in a group that can turn my stomach with their language and behaviour.
But I don’t want to be the prude.
It’s a game – anonymity makes it easier to be an Ahat - pretending to be / act out a persona that isn’t how you would react in real life - but I would like to hope that most of them – had a mother – have had a girlfriend – may have a wife – wouldn’t dare to talk as they do in front of them.( Gamer sterotypes ignored here)