Posts Tagged 'Drama'

‘Drama’ as inspiration

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I was reading another blog that has nothing to do with Wow – it’s a personal blog so I won’t  link – but they said an interesting thing about writers  making their own drama –  effectively how we  milk it for our writing, and that thought leads to  maybe going out of our way to find Drama. 

When I am really happy  – Wow – raiding – life  I don’t feel the need to write.  Happiness is boring. 

Where’s the struggle,  the passion,  the elitism, the  finger pointing blame.

When I’m really upset at something I don’t feel the need to write about it either, sometimes because  I feel it’s an extreme idea, and voicing it would make it worse, or I don’t know the full story and I have learned that raging at things when you should go to the source and ask for clarity because chinese whispers distorts facts – as we learned in kindergarten.  ( ever do that.. sit in a circle whispering in each others ears a sentence to see how much it changes as it goes through each person)  so I need to wait untill the rage becomes less blinding or confusing, and look at it logically, and work out how to approach it, and what is a big issue gets a label, and place to in my head.

I  try to write the middle ground.  If it’s a rage,  so that the idea becomes presentable, and the argument is clear .  I write to clarify a thought to ask questions and clear things up so at least I know where I stand on an issue – but drama is much more entertaining to read ( I read every single bad pug story!)

 I have used experience in my creative writing  – each of my two tattoos got a story written about them – An inspired crime /mystery short story about my tattooist which got published in a street mag, and the  2nd one was more factual recount in narrative 3rd person.  A poem that paid my rent for a week as a poor uni student  was about a character I met on the train.  Bits of reality sneak into my fiction.  However not forgetting the standard disclaimer.

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

 I hated one of my writing teachers for telling me to ‘write what you know’  I might not like the idea,  but I  do think write better, writing what I know.

But using drama as inspiration well I didn’t realise how heavily I relied on Drama to Blog.

I had never had to think about it much, untill I considered going out of my way,  to get in a GDKP on server that’s getting some criticism – just to see if they are really as big  A holes and jerks as everyone claims they were – I was going to count how many people they kick and replace ( apparently happens often)   So either way I was pretty much guaranted a drama and therefore an interesting story I could rave on about. But the observation about writers creating their own drama got me worried – had I really run out of things to write about that I had to go out if my way to find trouble – and reflecting on the last few posts on things that will no longer be relevant when cata is out – I fear I’m scrapping the barrel.

I don’t belive as a lunch companion said – “what is there to write about anymore?”  I dismissed that thought at the time because my own internal motivation is very much dependant on me thinking  that what I have to say is relevant and interesting

But It’s getting to the point where I don’t find ( some things) I write about interested and relevant – I think this post is very interesting and relevant  in my current state of feeling irrelevant and uninteresting.

So I shall try to write less drama.

A Raid outside of Guild.. and General Musings

I signed up for a Sunday night raid several days earlier – and then 1 hour before the time last night, I cancelled my sign up.

It was well past invite time – and a friend invites me to a Mags run  and while I know I shouldn’t  – I agree.  I want to raid I want to practice my Raiding.. /Dps….

So I’m waiting in Hellfire Basin. I get a tell from my guild asking me ” Weren’t you signed up for the guild raid tonite?”  ” Yes” I responded,  ” But they were all core raiders in the Que and it didnt seem likely that I would get a spot. So I cancelled my sign up”

“Didn’t you post on the forums what bosses you need?” He asks

” I am 1193 Shadow Damage.. ”   ( yep yep I am now..  ) I don’t need loot, I need to practice raiding to use it.. ”

“Don’t cancel your sign up if you are available to raid.” He responds.  I don’t reply and proceed to Two shot Mags with the Friends Guild. 

I wasn’t in Mags for Loot,  but I want to learn and test out my gear, and spell rotations.. and  all the funny things that you can only learn from doing the raid.  Didn’t feel like being all prepared for a raid and sitting like a dog does for a bone to be thrown at them, to find out that even though I was approved and made plans accordingly that a core raider signed up last minuite and they don’t need me. They have done that to me before..   So for prides sake..  I didnt want it to happen last night..

So as much as I like the people in the guild,  they constantly cause me to question what do I want out of Warcraft End game, and Raiding, as well as what is pride and respect..   

Im expecting a reprisal..  Im sure that they may have seen I was in Mags. – And even though we haven’t done a 25 man raid on a Monday night in several weeks,  Im sure that tonite they will decide to, and it will be Mags/Gruls and I will have to say – sorry am locked.. and they will question..  “Why did you pug it?”

So Im formated my answer… and to be basic.. I don’t like being a benchwarmer..   but the grass is always greener on the other side… and I haven’t publically QQ’d….  I shouldnt have to list the bosses I want so they can sub me in and out…   nor do I want to leave guild yet.. , and yes I completly understand the importantance that should be accorded to a core raider..  they have earned those positions.. someway.. and before I ever got there, but they now have 3 well geared shadowpriests.. and one is a Core raider..   

Above All is I want to LEARN….. yes I like loot..     but if I wanted a free ride  I’d play the girl card and maybe offer some free ‘special’ air time on vent..

Guild Audit – and Guild loyalty.

Want to know how many guilds you’ve been in ? Or when looking at how many guilds a potential new guildy has been in before yours?

Then Check out it shows you your guild history at each level.

My Warcraftrealms Profile doesn’t show at the moment that as of Last night I changed guilds again. 

Why did I leave?  – Firstly because CD never felt like ‘home’  True I had only been there for not even a month, but in that month the people who had recruited me had left,  the people who remained, I didn’t know that well  but more over there was no reason to stay. 

One of the people who had recruited me to CD ( and left 2 days after I joined),  has been after me to join his  guild that he has co- founded.  I’ve declined for personal reasons stating that their raid schedule was too busy for me to commit to,  but the truth is  where as he was a good player – a good person  he tried to ‘adopt’ me.   I found that moving up the levels when questing/grouping/guilding  the moment they find out that I’m a girl,  some people have had a tendency to try and control me  – Not necessarily give me favours but more the whole I know whats best for you – I doubt that they would have adopted a male player so readily.  I don’t mind being nudged  in the right direction if you have advice  – I will listen and he has been helpful in that departement – But do notforce it down my throat  – I want to play.  I want to have fun.  I want to progress..  but not right this second  but when I get there. I also  want to be taken for face value, not because it looks like to the rest of the guild that someone is giving me favours, and he did have a tendancy when raid leading to give loot preferences to his favourites. 

His new Guild (s)  besides changing names has also received some bad press in the forums and trade channel and while I like making up my own mind,  their reaction to some other people has shown their age.  I don’t think they have the maturity to maintain a ‘home’ or a good stable guild. Which above all is what I want.  He is upset and angry at me gquitting and not joining his guild.   I never promised I would – and who knows maybe my new guild won’t like me – I’m on trial – Maybe I won’t like them.  They seem so far like a good well rounded out – solid and stable guild,    but due to realm transfers some of the stable guilds on our server are having issues.  Valhalla has apparently broken up too.  So Recent events have made me think about what I want from a guild, and this is what I want

Maturity, experience, understanding, patience, support,  advice, fun, adaptability, companionship – Dedication

Notice I haven’t included friendship – because I think that ingame friends are very much a different class then RL friends. They are harder to keep once you lose a common interest/goal – and even the people that you used to raid with like my ‘friends’ from AOL become random whispers or waves as you pass by in a city as your goals change.   I was niave to think that once I added a ‘friend’ to my friends list – that they would be real friends.   So even though RL intermingled with game life – I had a mobile number for one,  emails for another,  friends on Facebook for some,   without the common interest of our guild – we were no longer ‘friends’  Hence companionship is what I want.  Friendly in game companionship.

Loyalty is also not included because – RL takes priority – Goals change, Guilds change, people have a self interest, people pay money to play.  Peoples lives change  to often to use the word loyalty,   It is a too strong a word to ask for.  I want dedication – because its more  temporary ( without the guilt) it means you are focused at what needs to be done,  I am loyal to my family  – I am loyal to my RL friends – and sometimes Ingame friends can cross that line I’m not saying they don’t  but I do not want to be disillusioned into placing Ingame friends on Par with my bestie from Highschool.   The ingame friend will get tested more – it has to survive guild and realm changes,  RL changes,  and if it does they they are true friends, and maybe that’s why some guilds outlast, and ‘core raiders’ stick together for so long – they cross that line, and grow together.

 So I’ve a new chapter in my guild history – lets see where it leads.  I don’t want to be a End game guild hopper  – I really don’t –  but its happening all the time, its getting more common.  I think I was pretty good to last in one guild from level 15-65 and I only left them because I outgrew them  – as one of the few higher players most of my days were spent fielding VC and SM Runs  – but there is enough of a QQ in that topic for another post – another day.

There are also more people now who are guildless and not just the <10’s   too many guilds are attempting endgame content without enough stable players – Guilds are being started by too many people, breaking up and reforming,  I remember when a Guild was somewhere to belong,  now for the most and maybe its just Endgame cynicism..  its just a place to be untill something better comes along.


Running Instances with Another Guild.

We failed Dismally at Gruls Last night.   Wiped 3 times on the High King: and a significant number of people called it.  Firstly we had 19 Guildys in the run, and then at times leading up to and including the wipes had a total of 22-24 people in a 25 man run.

We one shotted Gruls last week with 24 – We can do it.   Just need people to turn up every week. So after Staring one hour after  the orginal starting time and mucking round and dying for another hour. We called it.

My Current Guild has had contradictory assesments as to the need to  stop Kara completely. The ones that no longer need it say No.  Others say yes – so besides being confused,  there was a Event posted on Calander for a Thur Night Kara Run, that 17 people have signed up for one 1o man raid, not enough for 2 groups – So i removed myself from Event.

My experiences todate with Current Guild weekly run on a Thur Night of Kara have been as follows

Run 1-  Pug/unplanned run -Cleared to Prince – I got three Epics. ( by chance) and lots of Badges.   Clean run, one or two wipes,  good learning xp ( positive experience)

Run 2 -( to finish off Run1 with complete new group)  Asked to respec to healer for 2 bosses  6 wipes a repair bill and respec costs ( negative experience)

Run2 – Canx – not enough people / healers for two groups. ( negative experience)

Run 3  – Started an hour late – Subbed in and out various people for different bosses taking twice as long as it should due to stuffing round in addition.  I logged at 12am because I had been on and ready since 8 and  was bored – annoyed – and wasnt having fun. ( negative experience)

So when I got an invite to a pug run after Gruls – not even a complete set from another guild,  I grabbed it. and Scored..  SOULFROST!! – I now own that enchant. ( /cry not the rod though have half mats for that though) No epics. But it was a clean run, one or two wipes, and efficient and fun.

Others in the guild had a similar idea to me… and some pugged a Kara run – Some thought about it in guild chat.  And got told off.  I havent.

I understand from a guild loyalty perspective – But when management are changing their minds about hosting a Kara run or not – I’m then looking at looking after my own interests.  It was still a Pug run of Kara – Yes they were well geared and experienced by anything could have gone wrong – so it was a risk the run would not be successful but it was something to do –

Im waiting for Guild to confront me about it – maybe they won’t but everyone else got told off – Im new maybe they dont want to scare me off – and I have a case to present if they do.  I feel sorta bad for not doing a guild thing.. but  My money my playtime. 

Old Guild Drama – Changing Notes cont…

Ive been playing my guildless Alt for a little bit Lately – Shes a Mage almost  level 45 now, and its been good to revisit some of the old Quests and have a better Idea of  how to do them, and there is also being able to do new quests – or ones I never got round to doing on Z

So I log into Z before bed last night to put her at Gruls Lair ready for our Wed night raid, and  I check my mail  frm the GM of old Guild- Was along the lines of ” It happened again – now I know it wasnt you – Im sorry I ever doubted you.”

I’m not replying. Because my reply would be ” Duh”  but thats not really intelligent.  But Im sure he would have asked his guild did I have any alts left there ( just to be sure )  and then he advises he has now changed access so no one can edit. So after they have been changed for like the 100th time to rude words now he changes it.  Maybe their highhandness is now biting them on the netherregions, and that I haven’t been the only person to leave thats been treated unfairly.  But I Digress.

What I would have done, is gradually and discreetly adjusted the settings so that it moved up the ranks.  If your at level 1 rank and one of your officers are changing it then you have issues..  but if Its a lower rank,  then changing access: problem solved.  We had, had several other people leave over time.. some kicked.. some on their own steam,  and the notes had been changed before once someone else higher up had left on not so good terms, and they were accused of the same thing I was by the same person.  But thats an internal issue they need to work out.   My theory was that it was someones alt from a main they had left  guild, and basically only logged to create mischief, though the officers the person was targeting suggest that  their problems are personal – and that maybe even happened way before I joined their guild in August. 

So theoretically my name has been cleared. It was nice of the GM to update me,  but its too late.  they are not a Guild I want to go back to – and have in no way made me regret leaving when it was time to go.

The Old Guild

When I left my old guild as of 2 weeks ago, I tried to do it right,  I had joked after Pugging Gruls  with “Cellar Door” one week that I was being head hunted – and In officer chat I got the ‘well if you have to go – We will understand.”  and at the time I was like.  Uh no.. Im happy with you guys.. I started thinking after – they really don’t care.  I was then invited back to the following Gruls Run and we downed him, and it was all exciting. I didnt get any loot, but it was a good experience.  Again I was asked did I want to join them.  The offer was becomming more attractive.

I had been reading Guild relation forums for a few weeks previously to try and get an idea of the drama that can be, and how to deal with it.  I had been taking my officer postion as I would a management position and having managed people in real life, the ideas and ideals carried across.   I pushed the update of the website,  I spend money and hours fixing it up, making it a decent representation of the guild.,  keeping the voting clean,  updating pictures, plugging the site.  I pushed the idea of using the Guilds money for the guild members,  yet when I would get suspcious at new members eying off the guild bank I was put in my place.  When I demoted members who hadnt been online for 6 months down to intiate, I was put in my place  each time I tried to do what an officer is meant to do I was put in my place.  The Gms catch phrase was ‘this is too much’ and so was playing alts most of the time to avoid the pressure of being GM,  fair enough,  but it was the officers who managed the guild, the GM was a figure head only. He didnt partipate in the main raids or Kara runs as his healing was not up to speed.  So After all this happened in the two weeks lead up to my /gquit  I was thinking. Why do I bother. Everything I tried to do kept getting shot down.  I asked for regular officer meetings on vent.. never happened.

So I whispered the Gm and explained some of things – and told him I was leaving, and that I hoped that my Alt and my position as web admin would stay. He assured me it would, and that we would be ‘friends’  I left thinking Ive done this right, I did it when there werent alot of people on so as not to cause drama,  the Gm knew when I was doing, and I said goodbye..  hope you wave to me when you see me.

The GM had the only other Admin access on the website,  ( yet never learned to do anything on it)  and he removed my admin acess. So I removed my Alt next time I logged in. I was upset he had lied, and I undestand the security reason why, but they were were supposed to have known me better.

I then find out that was accused of changing the notes of some of the people before I left to rude things., which was odd, because a) i didnt, not my style, and b) why would I do that before I was trying to do the right thing.  After I hear this accusation,  I mail the GM and say – not sure if this means anything to you,  but I’m telling you I didnt, its not my style, and I tried to do this the right way, and I didnt leave in anger – so why would I.

Last night : 2 weeks after I get a reply along the lines of,   ” you were a good officer so I will take your word, but I will try and quell the rumours”  There is one person who made those rumours, and he has the GM’s ear, and is a contributing reason as to why I felt it was time to leave.  But the damage has already been done. What is more upsetting is that these people were people i spent more hours with from August untill i /gquit then I did with friends in family – in raids – in quests, On vent ect ect..    and before I gquit I had to ask myself was I prepared to lose so many ‘friends’  and had to consider the definition of a friend.  They werent my ‘friends’ or they wouldnt had belived that I did that – there was no loyalty, and its a pity they are for the most good people,  its just the lines of an E friend and a RL friend sometimes just cant cross over, and its a pity that Gquitting meant that the time spent with them was a waste of time – but after reading everyone elses sob storys on Guild relations I figuired my money – if I wasnt happy. Quit.

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