Posts Tagged 'Personal'

Wasting my Childbearing Years playing WOW

Without going all Bridget Jonesy

This post has been sitting in my drafts for  a while.  Might even be considered  a TMI post, and possibly some of you who read me might read too much into this. But Meh.  I wanted a Humdinger for my 500th, and this well – this I thought was appropriate.

I turn 30 this year, and a thought has been propping up every now and then has been ‘Am I wasting my Childbearing years playing wow?”

The most important question is do I want kids? – I have  no idea if I want kids or if I want kids because people expect me to want kids. Then I have to find someone who wants to have kids – and wants to have kids with me – and then what happens if they or me are not able to have kids.

I think I shall leave that up to  RNG.

But I also don’t want to wake up in 5 years time  doing a /played on my toon and wondering where the months  of life have gone in that play time, and If I missed out on opportunities or life  because of it.

Maybe that is a slightly Bridjet jonesy

I guess if you have to ask do you play too much  – then the answer is probably yes.   I multitask a fair bit though when I am online.  Still see real people – Read books – listen to music – even write stuff non wow related on occasion. So  my @home time, If I wasn’t playing Wow – I would still be watching a Dvd – on msn – on the phone instead of a vent ect.

 I’ve been responsible – I work – have a mortgage – I function socially  – but I don’t think I have ever really grown up.  I’m not talking about getting all excited in playland kinda not  growing up, just more clinging to this peter pan ideal . Gaming, or more pointedly Wow has probably reinforced this Peter Pan mindset over the last few years for me.

I’ve tried to cling to my ‘freedom’  and thats often shown in the type of relationships I choose.  Or choose to stay in.   This freedom lets me game.  Lets me do my own thing without real commitments to a partner – a family. 

Yes there is a Wow / Life balance that can be achieved –  people do it all the time.  I would be interested in Stats though – in how many dedicated gamers and are in long term relationships? – how many have children,  how many are Women,  how many are Women with children.  Some people go through phases of availability and dedication as priorities crop up – but what if you never have – and never get new priorities?

When I was raiding  I wasn’t meeting many new non-internet based people.  I worry that going back to raiding,  even as casual as I am currently will mean that I will slip into the same habit.

I also think I am a big enough procrastinator to admit that Wow isn’t what is stopping me from doing what I really want.  More that to achieve what I want  – I need to risk a lot more than I am currently, and sacrifice more – turn off the pc,  develop better writing habits.

I also think my  desire to not grow up and settle down is tied up into not being satisfied with other areas of my life  –  I want to be self-supporting / responsible / independent  – yet my creative urges and needs don’t get satisfied – because it was drummed into my head so often that ” you will never make money from that”   and always there is this doubt  that I am not “good enough to make money from that”  I play  to escape  perhaps from a path I kept walking down – not denying that. Until I reconcile with doing something that makes me happy – I won’t need something to escape.

I have the Adult career. It pays the bills,  it provides challenges,  I work for good people.  But I have a fear of being trapped in a Picket fenced nightmare of drudgery. Where this is it….

We know the average  gamer is an adult, and I wonder if that is a good thing?  As adults society tells us that we need to have more responsibilities,  and maybe gaming  is just a way of extending our childhoods where we will skip – or waste the prime years of our adulthood.

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